'It takes a lot of time, focus and energy to realize how amazing it is to be an ocean with your own tides every month.’
–Inga Muscio
No matter whether small or large, short-term or long-term – I have often tormented myself with decisions.
What should I cook for dinner? Which work should I do first? Which invitation should you follow?
Everything seemed equally important. I didn't want to disappoint anyone and do everything perfectly. If a friend or work colleague came to me, he or she didn't even have to finish the question: Yes, of course I have time, I'm happy to help!
I ran after my to-do list all day, working through it point by point. And still didn't seem to be making any progress.
I completely ignored my body's needs. I was geared for performance. Stomach pain during my period? Put a warming pad on it and carried on. Cramps? Take a tablet in and focus on the next step.
By saying yes to everything, I was saying no to myself and not really getting anything done. A large part of my energy and attention repeatedly flowed into the question: How should I bring everything together?
I went around in circles until I finally realized that I had been asking the wrong question all along. Instead of asking 'WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT', I wanted to force a 'HOW DO I DO IT ALL'.
It's not necessary to do everything. Because not everything is equally important.
I didn't set any priorities and therefore couldn't really devote myself to anything.
But how should I decide what is really important?
In this article you will find out
- How to learn to listen to your gut feeling again
- Why not everything always has to be tailored to performance
- Why 'No' should be your new favorite word
- How Lagom helps you make decisions
1 Listen to your gut feeling
A great mantra when it comes to decision making comes from Derek Sivers.
Either it's a 'hell yes' or it's a 'no'.
If you start following this rule, your work list will be shorter and, most importantly, prioritized. You no longer have the thought of 'I should.' in your head, because you always work on the most important things first.
Your well-being and your needs always come first. On certain days in the cycle the energy bubbles up. Then you can completely immerse yourself in the work; whether it's cleaning out the closet, a new customer project or deepening a hobby.
Follow your 'hell yes!'.
But if you notice that you need time for yourself, listen to your body. Usually at this moment the guilty conscience comes up: I should... I don't know how to refuse... I have to... I did it yesterday too...
Sentences like these show that work is not the right thing at the moment. Take your needs seriously.
2 Performance is not everything
You may not realize it consciously, but your body is working at full speed during menstruation. Designing everything externally for performance at this time is a double burden.
In the Western world, everything possible is done to hide menstruation. She should be invisible, both physically and psychologically. Women have to function like machines even during menstruation.
In other cultures there are certain rules about how women should behave during menstruation. In India, for example, they sleep on the balcony during this time and are not allowed to enter the field or kitchen. Although these rules have degenerated into restrictive dogmas today, they originally had a positive purpose: those who are not allowed in the kitchen or fields cannot work, and those who have their own storage space can sleep undisturbed. Women can focus on their recovery, exactly what their bodies need at the time.
3 Learn to say 'no'
Make your 'yes' something valuable. Most people say yes too quickly out of fear of not being liked. But if you say 'yes' to everything and everyone, the most important thing gets lost, namely yourself.
If you say no to others, you lose:
- the feeling of being overwhelmed
- the feeling that time is slipping between your fingers
- Work and tasks that take you away from your goal, your interests and your joy.
It's your life, you decide what's important to you. Always ask yourself: is it a 'hell yes'?
If not, you know it doesn't belong in your life.
Say no to trivial things. Say no to inappropriate things. Say no when you feel no.
4 Make decisions with Lagom
'Lagom' in Swedish means 'not too much and not too little, but just right'. It is a unit of measurement that can mean something different to each person. Lagom is not a constant and can be applied to both things and activities.
A coffee break can come at just the right time, so it can be lagom. A family outing that strengthens community is lagom. Likewise, a healthy meal that gives you energy is lagom. A tidy wardrobe with your favorite pieces is lagom.
During your period, your energy level is different. The ideal workload is now a different lagom. The way you recharge your batteries may also be different during this time. Your need for socializing may be a different lagom. This is normal and right. We are cyclical beings.
Living Lagom means knowing your priorities. Decide what is important to you in this moment, in this phase of your life. Listen to your gut feeling, only do things that make you say 'Hell yes!' and make yourself a priority again.
Live more lagom.
About the author:
Corinne Tolotto is a certified organization coach. On her blog she writes about productivity, tidying and sustainability. Through Lagom, she helps her customers create a life free of ballast, stress and clutter.